Tuesday, October 13, 2009

In Memory of My Mom...

As most of you know I lost my mom 6 months after I got married, January 17th 2004. It was sudden, as she had a brain aneurysm. I decided recently I wanted a "button" on my blog in memory of my mom. Some of you might have noticed it on the right side of my page. A fellow blogger, & Faulkner University Alumni, Teale, does blog "facelifts". She created my cool button & it was ONLY $8!!! Check out her blog to see more of her work. The inspiration for my button goes a little something like this...
A couple months ago I was headed home from a work appointment & as I pulled into the driveway a song came on that I recognized. The voice sounded like my mom's and that intrigued me even more. I parked the car in the drive, sat & listened. Tears began to stream down my face as this voice sounded just like hers coming through my radio. As I sat listening trying to figure out who this womans voice is that sounds so much like my mom's singing voice, I realized what the words were saying & began to ball.
"Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same
And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?"
WOW! It's like my mom was looking down from Heaven comforting me, letting me know it was OK to cry after 5 years of passing. At the end of the song the DJ made note that Patty Loveless was the singer! I then realized my mom had sang that song before. For years she sang at different church gatherings, whether it be the church Christmas party, someones funeral, or a duet with Corky Berry or Brent Missildine. I remember her rehearsing at home (sometimes w/ a Karaoke machine) :) and I would just sit there & listen OR harmonize along with her. The fact that I could so vividly remember her singing this song, "How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye," makes me think this was one of those rehearsed songs.
My favorite line out of the whole song is "Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same." Ryan & I have had our hardships through our 6 years of having a blood clot 4 months after marriage, then to learn that I will be medicated for life to be sure I don't have another blood clot... my mom passing 6 months after marriage, me having anxiety attacks after dealing with this, trying to start our family to learn I have endometriosis & then it takes us 3 1/2 to 4 years and In-Vitro to finally get pregnant(in the meantime I am depressed & avoid people with children or who are pregnant)... I have a 2nd blood clot, which then requires I wear a compression stocking on my left leg everyday for the rest of my life...we find out Ryan's mom has cancer (which she's currently being treated for)...through all this Ryan has been my best friend & Rock of a husband. I CANNOT imagine going through any of this without HIM. We didn't have a clue this was ahead of us when we tied the knot...but it doesn't matter, we would have still chosen one another to go through it together. I thank God for him daily!
I say all this to say, Life is about change...but it's your choice whether or not you stick with it or give up! The easy route is to give up...if we would have given up, I wouldn't be 7 months pregnant with a little boy right now! Whatever it is you might be going through...know that someone else out there has gone through that or worse. Know...there is a time for's just in God's time...Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I am grateful I got that moment that day, in the car, radio on, hearing what sounded like my mom singing...
And there came the inspiration for my "blog button" in memory of my Mom.